Tuesday, January 3, 2012

January 3, 2012.

Today I took a lot of pictures of Gaytor, he was outside playing with Aela. Looking out back and nothing seeing you there...it just looks empty. I love and miss you.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

A little about my baby.

She was amazing, in every way you could imagine. She was sweet, and bossy, and sassy, and loving all at the same time. She would cuddle with you under the blankets, plop in your lap whenever she felt she wanted to, beg for food, and sometimes bark at nothing. But I don't care, none of us did. She was her, and we didn't want her to change. She had eye liner as we liked to call it, and it was too cute! She also had little freckles, on the bottom of her paws and nose. She was white, with cream colored lines on her back. She ran so fast, she just looked like a snowball flying in the wind. Speaking of snow, she adored the snow. She was run into a pile of it, and bury herself. She turned invisible, she blended in with anything and everything white. My clothes were always covered in white fur. Now, I really miss that. Isn't that odd? Missing something like that? Hmm. She gave kisses, and loved her daddy, my fiance, so very much. She would freak out anytime he even spoke her name. I miss seeing her when I woke up, that cute little face. I miss cleaning her eye gunk, and cleaning her ears. Though it was a long and tedious process, I miss it so much. I just hope she's safe, happy, and warm. Eating lots of green beans.. I love her so much.

Eviey, this is to you.

November 18, 2011.

It's been three days since Eviey has gone. It has been the hardest three days of my life. I love her. So much. And miss her.

November 19, 2011.

You will always be my best friend. No one will ever compare to you, no human, nor animal. You changed my life in countless ways. You have helped me through many obstacles in my life. I don't think you understood the things you did to us, all of us. How you changed us for the better. You were just doing what you knew, and that was to love. And just to let you know, you were doing it perfectly. I remember seeing you, the first day you were born. So slimy and fluffy at the same time. You didn't catch my eye, not yet. Grammy wanted you, and that was the best choice she could've made. The entire way home, you cuddled up between me and the seatbelt, whining the entire way home. It was the cutest whine ever. I remember how you would run down the halls, slip, fall asleep, then run into the wall. How you would cry, and cry, and cry when I went to school; so bad that Grammy had to drive me to school with you in the cad so you wouldn't howl so much. How when you got fixed, you had one infected stitch. And when Grammy and Pawpaw took it out, I cried in my room because I couldn't bare to hear or see you hurt. How you would hide under the chair, and how you fit perfectly. (Not so much once you grew up though lol.) We had a rough time. I started getting more friends, and paying less attention to you. For those six months Eviey..I will forever be sorry. I remember how you would wake me up, almost every single night, just to cuddle. I remember how that got on my nerves.. What I would do to have that back now. Every annoying thing you did, are the things I miss the most. I miss you annoying begging, and scratching, and jumping while scratching your back on the nearest wall/bed. You were, and are perfect to me. Don't get me wrong, I love all the other dogs. Dede has been in my life the longest, Gaytor is my big baby, and Midnight is my little miracle. But you...you and me had something special. You were different. When it was just me and you, I felt away from the world, like nothing could touch me. I told you all my deepest secrets, and you listened. I cried to you from all the pain, and you comforted me. I held you when I had no hope, and you gave me the courage I needed. You watched me suffer, and always tried to help. I can barely type, through all the tears. This is really hard. I'm trying to be strong, but I can't. I don't have you..you kept me strong..why aren't you here?? I need you!! I need you! Please God, come home!! I need you, more than ever! I've begged, cried, prayed, searched, and done everything I can to get you home. Why isn't it working? Why can't you hear me? Why can't you be here to help me through this? Why did you have to go? You can't do this to me. I needed you. I NEEDED YOU. Please come home. Please. Please. Please. Eviey I need you. We all need you. Why'd you have to go? Did we not make you happy? We fed you, and gave you human food too! You slept on a bed, or your bed we got you, or the couch, or the chair. You were always being loved on, and pet. You were taken care of and healthy. You had four people who love you. And three dogs who loved you too. If it wasn't for you, Dede would be gone. Gaytor wouldn't be playful. And Midnight wouldn't have ever changed. We need you. The dogs need you. Whoever has you isn't good enough. I don't care how well they treat you, they won't ever love you like we do. You need to come home. I won't ever let you out of my sight, I promise. I love you Eviey Creamidacious Young. You are the best. And I need you, more than ever. I constantly think 'Oh I bet Eviey would like this!' Or 'I wonder if she would like this?' I'm always thinking about you. Midnight isn't the same. She's not holding up well. You know your bunny? The one in the car? She lays on it every time we go out. She searches fir you in the van, and whines when she doesn't see you. So tonight I brought in the bunny, for us to sleep with. I have you in my heart, but I need you in my arms. I love you Eviey, and will until my dying breath.

November 20, 2011.

Today isn't as bad as the other days. But it still hurts. I'm more emotional than I ever have been.. I miss her so much. I love you Eviey.

November 25, 2011.
It's not getting easier. We have all cried. I feel like I've died a little on the inside. Or a lot. Midnight hasn't been doing to good, she's been really sad, and mopey without her here. I just want her home, we all want her home. I love her, and miss her with every bit of my heart and soul.

December 5, 2011.
We got a new dog yesterday, her name is Aela. She acts a lot like Eviey. Or maybe because I miss Eviey so much I just think she acts like Eviey, I'm not sure. Every bit of good, still seems so far away. I can't explain how much I miss Eviey. No amount of tears or words could explain the amount of angst I feel. I love you Eviey.

December 8, 2011.
Tomorrow will be four years since he committed suicide. You've been there for me through it all. I need you here now. You were my strength through this, and even though you're not here, you will continue to give me strength. I love and miss you Eviey.

December 11, 2011.
It still isn't getting better. I just want you back home.. Sometimes I still hear your yawns, and howls. When Aela winks..I see you. It hurts so much. I hope to read all this to you one day, with you back home in my arms.

December 14, 2011.
I still look for you every time we go out. I just really hope to see you.. Anywhere.. I just want you back home. Aela is fitting in really well with the family. She won't ever compare to you..but she's still a good addition. She acts so much like you. Except in the car, she's kind of anxious. Unlike you, always hitting your head on the windows chasing cars lol. I love you baby girl.

December 16, 2011.
It's been a month and one day since you've been gone. It still really hurts, but it's getting easier. I'm not crying all the time anymore. I know you wouldn't want me to cry anyway. Well, I had a dream we got you back from this pound in a hospital, (lol; I know right?). You ran and jumped on me, hugging me. I cried I was so happy! Then the pound wanted to take you back because you would growl at people if they touched your ears. But I said that's just how you are, because you have sensitive ears. Then she let us keep you! I was so happy. Then I woke up.. And realized it was all a dream. Fuck. I really want you back.

December 17, 2011.
By now, it seems like you're never coming back. I just hope and pray, you're happy. In someone's house, warm, and fed. They could never love you as much as we do. Ever. I don't feel like I treated you the way you should have been treated. Or told you how much I really loved you. Just know I do love you. I want to see your cute chubby face, and your winks, get some kisses and some cuddles. Please just come home.. I love you.

December 21, 2011.
I cried. Just a minute ago. I miss you. I forgot how you feel..how your kisses felt..how your bark sounded.. But I can't forget your yelp or your singing. I'll never forget that. You're perfect, in every way. Whoever has you better fucking love you. I try not to blame anyone.. But it's hard. I still get mad at Wes for not treating you as good as midnight. I get mad at my mom for not checking if you were out that day you left.. I get mad at myself..for not doing everything I should have for you. I can't get mad at my dad. He still goes by the pound to look for you. We're not giving up. Please remember that. You're in our hearts, but I want you in my arms. I love you. More than life its self. I regret all the times I didn't let you under the blanket, or the times I got mad because you wanted under the blanket. You just wanted to be near us.. I'm so sorry. I'm trying super hard to not regret anything. But I regret so much. I need to focus on the positive.. The good. It's almost Christmas! And the best Christmas gift ever, is if I got to have you home. I wonder what you're thinking, and doing. Are you sleeping in a crate? A doggy bed? Outside? Sharing someone's bed? And what do they call you. I bet something stupid like snowball. You're Eviey! That's your name! I feel like a parent who's given their kid up for adoption.. But I would've never ever given you up. All the times I tried to barter with God, on the things I would give up, you were never one of them. You are everything to me. Please come home. I hope it doesn't snow. That was your favorite. You'd run into a pile of snow, and hide. I'm glad Wesley got to experience these times with you. Everyone who ever met you feel in love. We were blessed by God to have you in our lives. Everything happens for a reason, I just wish I could figure out what the reason is. Maybe because Aela needed a loving family? Maybe we needed some grief to truly appreciate what we have? Who knows. All I know is I want you back home. I love you with every bit of my heart . I miss you.

December 23, 2011.
Tomorrow is Christmas eve. I don't want to have a happy Christmas without you. You are so crazy missed Eviey. I love you, and really just want you home. I hope one day when you come home, you realize how much I miss and care for you. I love you..

December 25, 2011.
Merry Christmas baby girl. I hope you got a big bone! Or a bag of treats. I hope you're happy, please be happy. Today was fun. I seen mawmaw and pawpaw. And uncle Tommy & Onie. It was sad to come home, and not see you.. You being home would be the best Christmas gift ever! But any day would be good, lol. I love you baby girl. I miss you.

December 28, 2011.
Not much to say today. I'm sick though! ): Midernight is cuddled up under the blankets with me, snoring..really loudly.. I think she misses you so much that she gets under the covers to feel closer to you. I love and miss you.

December 30, 2011.
The years almost over, and I feel no happiness towards the new year. I just want you home. I seen a picture of these two dogs, it said 'friends for life.' It showed them as puppies, then grown up. I instantly thought of you and Midnight. Best friends forever. Please come back home. I need you here, we all need you here. I love and miss you baby girl.

January 1, 2012.
Happy new years baby girl. I love you. I seen Lynyrd Skynyrd last night. They were AMAZING! I seen a puppy who looked like you...she was so cute. I also seen bobby. I told him about Aela. And he said she might be cute, but you are perfect and HIS baby. Lol. I love you and miss you baby girl.